TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors, and Organization

By Patricia Bertschler, PCC and Laurette Cocklin, Ed.D, PCC with Foreword by
Sue Bronson, LCWS, Chair of the Association for Conflict Resolution, Family Section

The first book of its kind on Elder Mediation, TRUCE! simplifies for readers information about the mediation process, highlights case studies in which mediation works, and offers dozens of referral sources and worksheets germane to elder issues.

Family conflicts range from disputes over giving up the car keys, to safety and health concerns for parents neglecting themselves but insisting on living alone, to quality of care issues with assisted living facilities and nursing homes, to intergenerational relationships.

Seniors may feel their freedom is being taken from them or that their adult children are trying to steal their inheritance by controlling the purse strings. They also at times have a sense of entitlement and high expectations regarding how much their family should run errands, drive them to doctor appointments, and be available whenever the senior calls, despite the fact that most caregivers work full time and are raising their own families.

Organizations such as hospitals, assisted living facilities, nursing homes, rehab centers and others who work with seniors see conflicts on many levels. Families threaten law suits and/or complain about quality of care matters or disagree among themselves about the course of treatment for their loved one, all the while stymieing decision-making by the staff until they reach agreement. These organizations also worry about the rising incidence of violence among elders with dementia who aggress toward other residents in their facilities.

No matter where one turns, conflict is inevitable. Mediators help those in dispute arrive at mutually agreed-upon solutions in 85-90% of cases. The biggest problem mediators face is the lack of awareness that mediation is even available, and that people in dispute do not automatically need to turn to attorneys to resolve their conflict. It doesn’t need to come to that, though this is clearly an option even should a mediation fail to produce peaceful resolution.

TRUCE! is an excellent handbook and contribution to the field of conflict resolution. Chapters include:
1. Realities of aging and caregiver dilemmas
2. Elder issues
3. Counseling vs. mediation
4. When mediation is not recommended
5. Seven steps of elder mediation
6. Applications and case reviews
7. Caregiver resources

Appendices include practical information such as
• Signs of Depression in Late Life
• Financial Checklists
• Communication Tips with Seniors
• Worksheets for keeping track of important documents and phone numbers, medications, etc.

TRUCE! is a must-read for family and professional caregivers who want to explore respectful, peaceful, and satisfying conflict resolution with a neutral third party (mediator) when there seems to be no end to the arguments.

Soft cover:  98 pages
ISBN #: 0-9759379-0-1
Price:  $14.95
Reading level:  Adult
Publication date:  August, 2004
Available from:  NCS Publishing (440) 262-3700

About the Authors

Patricia Bertschler, MA, PCC, enjoys a diverse background in secondary school education, hospitals, colleges, mediation, counseling, and public speaking.   As co-owner of Northcoast Conflict Solutions in Independence, Ohio, Patti counsels in private practice and is on the lecture circuit throughout Ohio speaking on topics relating to late life issues and other behavioral and conflict resolution topics.  She holds a Bachelor of Arts in English and Social Psychology from Notre Dame College, a Masters in Counseling and Human Services from John Carroll University and is licensed in the State of Ohio as a Professional Clinical Counselor. She is a member of the Mediation Association of Northeast Ohio and the American Society on Aging. Patti is also copy editor for The Cleveland Women’s Journal and has been published in other local magazines.

Laurette Cocklin, Ed.D., PCC has worked in government, business, and academia.  Dr. Cocklin is an affiliate of Northcoast Conflict Solutions as an Elder Mediation Specialist and draws on her experience with the elderly who reside in assisted living facilities, nursing homes, and with their families. She also maintains a private clinical counseling practice.  Professional affiliations include membership in the Mediation Association of Northeast Ohio (MANO) and the American Counseling Association (ACA). Dr. Cocklin is a Professional Clinical Counselor in Ohio with a Master in Counseling and Human Services from John Carroll University.           

Reviews

"As a caregiver to my aging parent in collaboration with three brothers and three sister-in-laws/love and a practitioner in conflict resolution and mediation, I have found Truce, Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors, and Organization to be unique, useful, and on target.

Family members are not accustomed to collaborative decision-making with one another and their aging parent.  This is exacerbated by:

1. Heightened emotions lying in wait under our skin just waiting to erupt in love, anger, guilt, and compassion,
2. The human need to self-protect without being fully conscious of the underlying reasons,
3. And our frenetic busy lives sandwiched in between parents, children, and grandchildren

The ideas and resources in Truce are unique, well organized, and sorely needed not only for the sixties generation in addressing the needs and care of their parents but for every generation.  Planning for our own transition into old age and assisting others is facing millions more.  Truce is an excellent (*****) and short read with many benefits and ideas."

Norma Delp, President
Signal Tree Resolutions, LLC

"This is one of those books that you will read once. And then you will read it again and again. Conflict resolution with families is so important. Often times the roles of the family are turned upside down when suddenly the adult children are 'in charge' of mom and dad. This is a must read for family members, caregivers, seniors and all health care professionals working with this group of people.

How do you tell mom she must give up her car keys? How do you tell dad he must turn over the checkbook? How do you accomplish these and other struggles in elder care issues, while keeping the peace? This book will walk you through it."

Barbara Mascio
Quality Care Options
Cleveland, OH, October 1, 2004

"All difficult conversations share a common thread. We need to understand what is said and also what is not said. We need to understand what people are feeling but are not communicating. Families need to understand that they can get beyond impasse that is caused by people holding fast to their positions and who are unable to see creative solutions to their conflict through mediation. TRUCE is an invaluable resource for families, nursing home and assisted living administrators, pastors, healthcare professionals and all who work with seniors in any capacity. Lots of referral sources for senior care both local and national."

Lisa Umina
Seven Hills, OH