I never even heard of time out when I was a child. Our parents had other (some would say barbaric) ways of handling our misbehavior back in the 50’s and 60’s. But I digress.

Today, children are used to hearing “Go to your room,” or “I think we need a time out” when their behavior really warrants it or when parents have had enough buttons pushed. In fact, a few parents I know take time outs themselves to calm down or to prevent saying something they’d later regret having said to their children.
Let’s take another look at this behavioral intervention, and check to see if you can incorporate more of these elements the next time you need to call “Time Out!”

1. Even if you have been using time outs in the past, explain to your child that you have learned
   something new and will be using it in future time outs. Explain the process (as developed below)
   to your child(ren). Do this while they are behaving rather than wait until you are in the heat of them moment.
2. As they say, location, location, location. Choose a spot that is boring and that has as little stimuli as possible. It is easy for a child to distract her/himself and miss the point of this cooling off exercise.
3. Take immediate action. Don’t wait a half hour to administer the time out.
4. Say less than 10 words, e.g., “Tommy, you hit your sister. Take a time out.” Do not yell. Do not
   give a lecture. If Tommy does not start moving, calmly take his hand and walk him to the time out area (not necessarily his bed room where all the fun toys are, remember?).
5. Some child psychologists recommend that the length of a time out should be equal in minutes to the age of the child, e.g., 10 minutes for a 10-year old, 3 minutes for a 3-year old.
6. Set a timer where both you and your child can hear it.
7. When the timer rings, the child must state why he/she was given a time out. “I got a time out because
   I was jumping on the furniture after you told me not to.”
8. Acknowledge your child’s explanation with a nod or pat on the shoulder. Now change the topic. It’s
   over. Don’t use this as a time to continue scolding. Let the time out speak for itself.
   

Patti Bertschler is a licensed counselor and trained mediator in her Independence-based practice, Northcoast Conflict Solutions.