| “If you love to listen, you
will gain knowledge, and if you incline your ear, you
will become wise”
- Sirach
No matter what our profession--broker, agent, mediator,
retailer— a common thread is woven throughout
the fabric of our success: the need to become an effective
listener.
Have you ever felt irritated by someone who asks you
to repeat what you said, when he or she was clearly
not listening to you? We are all guilty at times both
of distractions while someone is speaking to us AND
of planning our reply while the other is still speaking!
“Listening is like picking fruit from a
tree,” writes Steve Shapiro, author of Listening
for Success. “When you interrupt someone,
finish their sentence, talk too much or respond too
quickly, it’s like stomping on the tree before
it’s even had a chance to produce fruit.”
Many organizational development presenters, motivational
speakers, and those in the field of behavioral health
and conflict resolution understand the importance of
truly listening.
We assume if someone has two ears or can lip-read or
sign that our message is getting across or that we are
being understood by the listener. On the contrary: listening
is an art involving the ears, eyes, heart, attitude,
ego, and spirit. Noted therapist and researcher, Carl
Rogers, acknowledges that listening is the greatest
tool we have for releasing human potential in others.
So why is it so hard? Many variables contribute to
one being a poor listener:
- Fast-paced life
- Deadlines to meet (no time to listen to someone
go on and on!)
- Uninterested in what you have to say
- More interested in what I have to say
- More interested in the bottom line
- I’m just plain rude
- Sounds like psycho-babble
- No one has taught me how.
The last point I will address, and from this reading
on, you have no excuse. Here are four steps that most
authors on the topic agree will make for an effective
listener:
- Attend to the speaker. Put down your pen, turn
off the cell phone/beeper,
make good eye contact, lean in a bit to show interest
now and then. Don’t interrupt.
- Reflect meaning or feeling. After the speaker is
finished, say something like,
“I hear how upsetting this must be for you,”
or “I see how strongly you feel about this matter.”
- Seek clarification. Ask if there are other concerns
or issues the speaker has
not yet mentioned OR ask about any part of the message
about which you may be confused.
- Respond. Now it’s your turn to speak. Too
often, we rush to reply and
completely skip Parts 2 and 3.
The next time you are in a conflict with someone, or
a buyer/seller is making a point, try this approach
and see what a positive difference it can make. Effective
listening will personalize the way we do business. Effective
listening will make us all better people, more influential
with others, and perhaps even a bit wiser.
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