| Sometimes parents rush to settle arguments
between their pre-teen and teen-aged children because
mom and dad just can’t take one more minute of
listening to it! In their efforts to quiet the storm,
however, parents may miss the opportunity to let their
children learn how to resolve their own disputes.
How many parents have heard this kind of “discussion:”
Megan, trying to pull an orange away from her brother
Danny’s grip, yells, “Gimme that orange.
I got here first.”
“No way. I told you on the bus I wanted
it when we got home. It’s mine,”
Danny hollers.
Back and forth they argue until mom storms into the
kitchen, grabs a knife, and cuts the orange, giving
Megan and Danny their own half.
“Mom!” Megan whines. “I
wanted to bake a cake from the rind.”
“And I wanted to squeeze it to get a big
glass of OJ,” growls Danny.
Instead of mom storming in with the knife and taking
action, she might have intervened in another way with
the goal of getting the squabblers to work out their
own solution.
First, call for quiet and some breathing space: “Count
to ten, and then you may talk quietly.”
Next, offer some simple directions, such as, “Megan,
you may speak first, and tell Danny quietly what you
want the orange for. The, Danny, you tell Megan what
you want. You have ten minutes to work out a way to
share.
Unless you see blood, and if you have the patience,
it’s better to allow teens (and younger children,
too) to settle their squabbles. They will learn to be
more self-reliant, more creative in problem solving,
and you will be spared from getting hooked into taking
sides.
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