| The age-old question from parent to
misbehaving child, “Why did you do that?”
is almost reliably answered, “I don’t know.”
Behavioral theorist, Alfred Adler, observed that a
child’s behavior is FOR a purpose; not ON purpose.
Adler points out that a misbehaving child is a discouraged
child. Children rarely know why they behave; they’re
looking to adults to show them the reason, and give
them some encouraging direction.
To have a positive, long-term effect, it helps to match
correcting the child the encouragement. Encouraging
children with positive alternatives will help them deal
with taking control of their own behavior.
Here are a few examples.
Example: You are in the midst of cooking
dinner, and your 4-year old wants to show you his drawings.
He cries and whines when you tell him you’re too
busy right now. How do you teach him that you care and
that he can’t have his way every time he wants
immediate gratification?
Suggestion: Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes.
Tell him when the timer rings, you want to see his pictures.
Give him the timer to hold. That will keep his attention
and give you the minutes you need to complete your task.
Example: Your 5-year old is painfully
shy and is being bullied by another student at kindergarten.
She cries daily when she comes home from school, and
you fear she is losing interest in playing with others.
You have already spoken with the teacher, but the bully
persists even on the bus ride home.
Suggestion: Enroll your child in a martial
arts class where they instill values such as self-confidence,
poise, and respect for others.
Example: One child in your family
seems to outshine the others academically and socially.
Another excels athletically. Your 7-year old middle
child feels overwhelmed by the oldest and the baby and
often acts out to get attention.
Suggestion: Once a week, start a “Round
of Applause” night. Each member of the family
takes a turn (including parent(s) and guardian(s)),
naming something he/she noticed that another family
member did that week that deserves a round of applause.
Every member takes a turn praising all family members
and stands to receive the applause. This teaches awareness
of good deeds done for others, reinforces behavior in
a simple, meaningful way, and reminds every family member
of the importance of respecting each other.
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